i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
