I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
