Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My ass is underappreciated
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
