youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
