My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Congratulations! We have a period
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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