you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
