This girl is more easily done than said...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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