there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
