yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
