You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
