The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize