I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
