apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
