Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
a search helicopter?!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
