Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
