remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
