He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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