put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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