My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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