Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
