i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
