YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
