This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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