so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
