He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
