I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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