I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
