If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize