I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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