he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me I should be a condom model.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
