I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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