I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
