just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize