I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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