i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
