I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
