If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
