His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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