i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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