I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
