Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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