Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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