Michael Bay diarrhea
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
