I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
