The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
