Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
