Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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