Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
