he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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