you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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