I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My vagina just clenched in fear
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