Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you win again, gameday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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