There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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