I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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