I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
