If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
