PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
