I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
