I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
