my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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