i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
50% drunk capacity currently
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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