I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
