Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
