I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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