I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
