Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
