my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
