we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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