There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
