Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
