i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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