I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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