You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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