Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
