dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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