My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
