Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the condom got lost in my hair
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
