She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
